How I Love Stockholm In The Morning

Fog, mist, drowsy cafés. The crispy air of autumn and lazy sunrays trying to make it through the clouds.
The sharp feeling of nothingness when memories of a time long gone hit through to the surface at the moment when the hand touches the wooden door.
Yesterday I finally held a sword in that very same hand. Not a real one, yet a sword. It made me feel graceful, powerful. One day I will be dancing with a sword in my hand.

Burbujas de verano

Summer bubbles take me back to a time when I was sitting on some stairs, under a birch tree, wondering why my head felt like porridge and if there's nothing more to life than a distantly blurry image of sunshine and sand. So blinded was I then that I failed to register the actual sun, the one peeping through the leaves. Summer is a time of melancholy, a time of endings. It is a time when we race toward Midsummer, only to remind ourselves that now the days are getting shorter and soon our days, our life, will be an endless winter night. My head no longer feels that oatmeal and I see the real sun, nonetheless, sitting on those stairs, under the birch tree, still fills me with sadness.

“…”But on an occasion like this we must wait for sunset. Setting out in the right way is just as important as the opening lines in a book: they determine everything.” He sat in the sand next to Moominmamma. “Look at the boat,” he said. “Look at The Adventure. A boat by night is a wonderful sight. This is the way to start a new life, with a hurricane lamp shining at the top of the mast, and the coastline disappearing behind one as the whole world lies sleeping. Making a journey by night is more wonderful than anything in the world.”

“Yes, you’re right,” replied Moominmamma. “One makes a trip by day, but by night one sets out on a journey.” 

― Tove Jansson, Moominpappa at Sea

Silence.

Because I Love The Sky

Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray. - Lord Byron -  

Right Now

Doing: stretching and turning in bed

Feeling: 87% relaxed, slightly excited and a bit cold. Also looking forward to the rest of the week. Actually, positive with turbulent overtones might cover it.

Nuisance: this device I'm writing on, I do not understand why this particular brand is so popular. This machine makes me go crazy at least twice a day. 

Tip: nowadays I'm hooked on memrise for learning and repeating foreign languages. Try it if you haven't done so yet!

Inspiration: how very old fashioned of me. Magazines are still my number one source of inspiration. Yoga, food, sports, you name it. 

Topics on my mind: the good human, the best travel companion and Ernest Hemingway's wives.

Thoughts on travel: I want to return to the Balkan. Soon!!!

Language inspo: Serbian

Stream of Thoughts

Red lips. Femme fatale. Rainy streets, frozen feet. Urge to sit down now. Beautiful people, beautiful language. The other day I read a book so good, it started to mess with my mind. Hot shower, still cold feet. Fingers barely move, the cold hides within my bones. Urge to write it down too. The world is still, it is Sunday after all. Easter Sunday after all. 

I would love to be able to wear red lipstick. The insecurities are taking a firm hold of me. Breathe now, breathe slowly. Don't tell me how to be. Leave those platitudes. 

Just a typical Sunday. 

My Meatless Month

31 days. 31 days without meat. Was it difficult? Not really. The reason I decided to spend one month of my life without eating meat was not very altruistic. Some people I know are vegetarians or vegans with a cause. I am your average absent-minded and indecisive female who just wanted to practice her self-discipline a little bit. As I said, it was not hard. Mainly because I don't like meat so much.

Anyhow, I do recommend this experiment to people. By excluding something from your diet, you need to be much more creative with the remaining foods. (The assumption here being that a) one cooks, and b) one cooks other dishes than pasta and veggies). There are so many delicious ingredients out there to be discovered. In this case, I re-discovered beans, spinach, mushrooms, porridge and much more. I have also stilled my cravings with sushi. A newly discovered treat is ginger tea. 

Cravings. I thought that I'd have cravings for meat. A couple of times it did indeed happen. The first time I really wanted to eat my favorite Indian dish, Chicken Jalfrezi. The second time I was about to stick my fork into a plate filled with the Swedish delicacy pyttipanna. The almost a storm intervened. So, I can proudly say that I managed to stay away from meat for a month. The most important result is that I did it. I don't feel physically healthier or fitter. My skin has gone crazy. The challenge was not so great to begin with.

But I did it. (However, I would probably never manage to stop eating cheese for a month). 

My square meter of privacy

As I write this, I am hiding in a toilet on a boat. There is not a storm outside but in my world this does indeed feel like a hurricane. Good thing then that we do not have hurricanes in my part of the world. This morning - the first of a few mornings off - I have spent a great deal of time counting my blessings. Not so much because of the not-really-a-storm outside, it is rather my opinion about the world being a total mess that has made me more thankful. 

My world is not black and white. It consists of a multitude of greys with splashes of colour. This means that I usually get it. It is perfectly clear why most people act the way they do. Take the elections in Greece, for instance. As a citizen of Finland I'd rather not see our tax money being emptied into a black hole. However, I do understand why people would want to return to a more normal state of life in Greece. I cannot expect normal and average people to take responsibility for the actions of corrupt leaders. If I were in their shoes, I'd probably vote for the one promising me a more normal life too.

Therein lies the paradox. Or the problem. Call it what you want, but the world is too complex for my liking. We have made it too complicated. So, I reach out to the last rays of hope and count my blessings, trying to simplify my own life in the process, while the storm is gathering its forces outside. 

Some Thoughts...

...in Finnish. 

Now I need to follow these pieces of advice and make a phone call. Stay tuned for some exciting news😄

Photo Diary: Caminando

This week I have spent a lot of time walking. Walking is more than simply great exercise, it is the time to gather one's thoughts, to enjoy all that is beautiful in the world. I have noticed that I feel much better after a walk during my lunch break or after work. 


Or as Friedrich Nietzsche put it:

All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking. 

Last Sunday before the elctions

Somewhere between Vagnhärad and Trosa

A runestone

Fog!

A Small Reminder

After a somewhat tough week where I have been very much too sensitive to the ways of others, I need to remind myself to...



It is not my problem if someone else is annoyed or grumpy. Or angry or frustrated.
All I can do is to stay positive and friendly,
and hope that the joy is contagious. 

If not - then, it is not my problem. I can only appreciate others, their knowledge and their points of view. I cannot make them act in any other way. 

The photo I have borrowed 

Linguistic Impossibilities

A while back, I had the following thought:

I have a vague memory of having read somewhere that Franz Kafka had an identity crisis of sorts that stemmed from what he called "linguistic impossibilities". I was reminded of this the other day when I spoke about the art of writing with some friends: sometimes it is so extremely difficult to express oneself in a language that one is supposed to know inside and out. For example, even though I know a language at native level, I still feel limited and "rootless", not being able to express myself the way I would like to. Other people think it sounds good, though.

Indeed, I managed to find one article on Kafka's linguistic impossibilities (here). Living in Prague at the beginning of the 19th century, German-speaking Jewish writers faced a problem related to language and writing:

"[Jewish writers] exist among three impossibilities, which I just happen to call linguistic impossibilities.... These are: The impossibility of not writing, the impossibility of writing German, the impossibility of writing differently." (F. Kafka)

 I have always wanted to write. I have written letters, e-mails, blogs. But I also always had a feeling that my language was too weak, that I had not the right skills to perfect the tool and to use it as it should be used in the contexts I want to use it. I know languages, sure I do, but I cannot turn a single one of them into poetry. In a way, I find this issue to be related to Kafka's linguistic impossibilities. When I was young, I was taught to express myself in Swedish - a language that I hated, now I only dislike it. I remember how I used to say that I'd love to write but the stories don't come to me. Now I think that the stories have been there all along, but I did not know how to express them properly. Swedish is a language that is not me, it is not my essence. However, I know it better than any other, and it's the only language I know how to play in.

Writing does fill me with joy, and this summer I have been writing. This blog has not been my focus this summer, instead my attention has drifted toward an old-fashioned notebook. I think I have solved my linguistic dilemma: I write different texts in different languages. The main story - the big one - is written in English. Only the draft, though. I will translate it myself and add the poetry and the life to it in Swedish.

The World Within

Lately I have been reading, I have been reading all sorts of things. Poems, novels, non-fiction, cookbooks. I have read and I have been inspired. Inspired by tranquility and serenity, knowledge and wisdom, silence and calm.

The world has seemed crazy lately. Planes have come crashing down, there are hints of violence. An election is coming up, so the news feed is filled with voices being raised against injustice.

These days I like to go into hiding. I like to silently, anonymously, observe the world around me. This is the calm before the storm.

A Piece of Paradise

There, in a forgotten corner of the world, in a place with little human life and almost complete silence, one may find a piece of paradise. The silence is broken by the sound of calm waves rolling in and the murmuring sound of birds chasing each other. I think I found just that - a piece of paradise. A place where one can sit and become absorbed - absorbed in thoughts and in serenity. A place where the world ceases to exist, where the elements meet each other. 

. 

"Yummy" - or a note on self-development

I have a friend, I have known him for a decade or so [gosh, time really flies]. Once he commented on my usage of the word "yummy". He noted that I have not changed my vocabulary at all. For the past decade. That thought was a bit sad, after all, I have graduated from a UK uni. I have worked in international environments. My English is not the best or the most creative, but I do feel that it's slightly above the "yummy"-level. My doubts started to grow. Maybe I have not developed my English? Maybe I haven't developed any language skills whatsoever? Maybe I speak like a 5-year old? Maybe I as a person still behave like a toddler?

You get the point - at the end the whole self-doubt thing got more and more ridiculous. Nonetheless, I do believe it's a good idea to actively develop one's skills and personality. There are so many interesting ways to do this.

Back to the word "yummy". After giving it some thought, I realized that the word delicious has many synonyms, such appetizing, tasty, exquisite, delightful and enjoyable. Yet, the word yummy is a good word. It's short, it's concise, it gets straight to the point.

Reflections on Creativity

On New Year’s Eve I had an interesting discussion with a friend of mine about creativity. Most people – yours truly included (in the past) – seem to think that creativity is linked to art or to the skill of producing things with your hands. As creativity is one of my keywords for 2014, this is one topic I would like to dig my teeth into a bit further.

I would like to disagree. After spending most of my life being sad about the fact that I’m not a creative person, I have now reached the conclusion that the problem is not me being uncreative. Rather, the problem lies with my definition of being creative and creativity. True, I will never be able to create music or wrap the most amazing presents. My near and dear ones should not expect to receive anything handmade from me – not even a cupcake.

However, think of any problem you have ever had. What is required from you to find a solution? The answer is creativity. What do you do when you process new information or prepare a project? Again, creativity. How about decision-making? What is needed in order for a good decision to be made? One that is not only rational but also takes into account different emotional aspects and consequences? I think you can guess by now!

I could write so much about this topic, but for now I would just like to conclude that the definition of creativity is wide and it can be applied into so many areas of life and human functioning. One last thought: even though one isn’t very good with their hands (as is the case with me and cupcakes), there is no point in not trying. The result might not be so good, but at least the process of creating might be fun.

What are your thoughts on creativity?

Great Expectations

(photo Bianca van der Werf: anticipation)

The expectations for the new year are great. There will be some changes in my life that I can’t talk about right now, but one of the things I’m looking forward to is graduating. Finally. Just need to decide what to write about in my thesis. I think it will somehow involve Russia – not the changes, but my thesis. After all, it’s a rather hot topic right now, I know the language and should use it. Очень хорошо.
 



We have decided to engage in some travelling as well. Ukraine, Turkey, Morocco and Sicily are some places we would like to visit in 2014. Travelling enlightens. Adventures teach. The other day I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about some core issues I would like to focus on in 2014. There are the usual things: learning and developing as a person etc etc. I decided I need to practice creativity and flexibility in different forms. These key themes might pop up in the blog now and then.  



Something tells me 2014 is going to be very colourful, adventurous and good. I wish all of you the best in 2014.

My Reality Is Not Like Yours [SK: Moja realita je iné ako tá tvoja]

I was supposed to get up early to study today. Instead I started to look up on the possibility to go to Maribor for the weekend. We will see what happens. The topics for my final sociology assignment are ready though: Social Stratification in the Nordic Countries and The Role of European Citizenship at a Cultural and a Political Level. I have a good feeling about this, it will be fun to write those essays.

Something I have been thinking about a lot is our perception of reality and how it influences our decisions and behaviour. The general feeling I have is one of insecurity and hopelessness. People try to make it on a day-to-day basis.  At the same time we are given information about what success looks like and how to attain it. Without success, you are nothing.

I will keep thinking about this and tell you if I find an answer. Until then: enjoy your Tuesday!

The Sound of Silence

One thing that has been on my mind lately is that of noise and silence. Imagine the beauty of silence where you can hear your thoughts or converse in a quiet voice.

Why is there so much noise? Is it because people are so afraid of silence and the thoughts they might hear?

ospanlivá [SK: sleepy]

Monday.

Sleepy, drowsy head.

Candles lit all around the house. A chat about to start. Writing Christmas cards. Planning life.

My alarm clock sounded at 5.30 am. I don’t have much of a choice these days. Get up early. Study. Drink coffee. Write. Go to work. Go home. Study some more. Analyse. Talk. Watch series. Eat. Hug. And it starts all over again.

This year I get almost two weeks of Christmas holidays. Two weeks of sleeping in and seeing places. I can’t wait.