Monday, 27 April 2009

Bathing in Blusher (and Dust)

I was in such a good mood until I saw all the dust (this flat is drowning in dust, we would need a housekeeper to keep it dustfree, it's like having a desert right outside the door) and Madonna started to play (I don't like her at all..). But actually, the downward slope of the mood swing started when I put my hand in my bag and got it covered in pink blusher.

Well, I was in a good mood. There's a parcel waiting for me in the post office with Finnish goodies. The local EU-something-ladiladiladilaa sent me a paper about getting all the EU citizens in this town together. It´s actually quite a good idea.

There was a bunch of other good things too, but I've forgotten them now.

Hah, welcome sunshine.

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Teraz jestem tu

Listening to Yugoslav rock and getting ready for the final spurt.

Today has been feeling so good; the sun is shining (26 degrees outside... Euro style), the mp3 player is loaded with good music and tomorrow I'm returning to the world of exams, I should be feeling nervous (or at least I should be desperately looking for a calculator) but no, just excited!

*and the language sounds so unbelievably beautiful!

Thursday, 16 April 2009

Crisis at 25

Today I spent my lunch break on trying to explain my strange weird behaviour, and... behold! It seems that I'm not the only person suffering from loss of appetite, increased sleepiness, fear, isolation from people and a lack in motivation and interest in life. Welcome to the world of the newly graduated.

The reasons for this type of a depression are quite simple: the individual loses the structures that his life were built upon. Life suddenly changes radically and few people are actually prepared for this change.

Some warning signs:

- feeling tired, nervous and/or restless
- lack of interest in life and lack of ability to enjoy anything
- decision-making is suddenly almost impossible
- avoiding people
- loss of self-confidence

o what can you do?

- most importantly, recognise the problem before it's too late. Being aware of the problem helps you see the patterns in your own behaviour. Knowing these patterns and finding out the root of the problem will help you to deal with it.

- be honest, but don't be sorry. Everyone goes through hard times, so the best is probably to be honest about it instead of trying to hide the problem.

- take little steps, do things that you enjoy and be a bit ego-centric: sometimes you need to concentrate on yourself and not the rest of the world. Things tend to sort themselves out.

- ask for help.

My story

I’m a 25-year-old person who graduated from university about a year ago with a first class degree and the luggage full of great memories. Spending a year in Russia was almost as exciting as the fabulous lectures given by some very intelligent people.I have fond memories of sipping gold fish bowls, shopping at Primark and getting soaked in the Manchester rain. After graduating, I moved to Spain. The reason for this move for very much based on love; I was excited, not only was I going to play house with my boyfriend but this was also a chance to find the job of a lifetime and to start creating a wonderful life. Haha, the joke was on me. Reality looks slightly different than I imagined on my little pink cloud. Almost all of my safety net has disappeared, and creating a new one takes time and a lot of effort, finding a sufficient amount of strength seems impossible. Instead of a creative and motivating job, I get to be the messenger who always gets shot. It's comfortable but sometimes I fear that my brain is starting to get mouldy.

All my life I have been that annoyingly ambitious girl, I have worked hard for the results I have achieved,it's been blood, sweat and tears all the way (there is nothing as sweaty as learning the aspects of Russian verbs). It feels that I have moved ten steps backwards instead of taking one little step forward. All I know is that I cannot stay in the situation that I am in now, but finding an alternative is about as easy as finding a needle in a dark tunnel without a torch.

The situation is not hopeless, of course. The only thing I need to do is to be honest, to be honest and hope that people won't run away from me. I believe that I'm suffering from a slight depression, it's a situation for which I need help from family and friends, and I wouldn't say no to a professional either. Maybe a person who doesn't know me, a person who would be able to help see things from the outside. Someone who could give me an objective valuation of what I am, my strengths and my talents. I need help to drag myself out of this dark hole that is trying to suck me in.

Friday, 10 April 2009

Rainy Days

Grey skies and the sound of raindrops hitting the windows. Hot tea warming your fingers, and soft melodies filling the room. The sofa feels warm and cosy, your body is relaxed and your mind is resting from the eternal buzzing.

It's Good Friday, maybe the most peaceful day of the year: the streets are empty, everything is closed and people are hiding in their homes doing whatever they do behind closed door: contemplating life, spending time with their families, eating chocolate eggs, taking a siesta, going to church. Somehow it´s the perfect rainy day: all you need is rest, delicious food, a good book and a little bit of cuddling to be happy.


Me and the dog had a nice run among the orange trees, and now we are bothmore than ready for a nap on the sofa.
And Greek food for lunch again; lamb, tomatoes, feta cheese and tzatziki. Me likes muchisimo.

Monday, 6 April 2009


Who cares if it works well? This laptop from HP is well... colourful, pretty and small. Andthe odds are quite high that it will work better than the laptop I have now...

Almost an Impossible Equation

Tampere. Birmingham. Tartu. Gothenburg. What do these places have in common apart from being physically far, far away from here?

It's been almost a year sinceI graduated, and although I wanted to give myself some time to think things through and to find my own way, the thoughts in my head have been working as hard an ant. I have had many ideas, some of them brighter than others. Owning my own tea shop could be interesting, project managers seem to have quite nice jobs, psychology is interesting etc. I'm having a fairly interesting job and studying full-time, but...

I'm starting to get the feeling that my initial choice was the right one in all ofits randomness. I enjoyed it, it was fascinating, and I was good at it (well except for comparative politics which always was a weak spot). It was the perfect mix that matched my own interests: a bit of languages, history, politics, theories.. I spent 4 years studying the European Union and Russia. Becoming a specialist in this area would take a lot of time, hard work and motivation, but it would probably be quite a useful field to work in.

But, and there is always a but, this is nothing I can do in Valencia, maybe not in Spain. And I'm here for a reason, a reason far more important than any degree, and it is something that I'm not prepared to give up underany circumstance.

Of course there are options, there are always alternatives. That's why this equation is only almost impossible. Now I just need to make the correct decisions and find the right way ...

Sunday, 5 April 2009


Sunday. Sunny Sunday. Warm Sunday... Sitting on the balcony while enjoying the afternoon sunshine is very relaxing business, the birds are singing and children are playing. And even long-term interest rates seem to provide a certain dose of fascination... but only because of the sunshine!

During Fallas, Valencia sparkles with colours, noice and fire works.

La Sagrada Familia

View over Barcelona. If nothing disastrous happens, we will be returning in June/July. The main motive of the trip will be the U2-concert, but I'm hoping to be able to visit the chocolate museum and enjoy getting lost.
I did like Barcelona, and think that it might substitute Stockholm as destination number 1 for getting away for a while (Stockholm is indeed a bit far away these days). Barcelona is a nice place (although not as nice as Valencia) and it's only 3 hours away by train. Perfecto.