Saturday, 15 January 2011
Do not read.
Today is one of those days that should not be remembered. Not by me, anyway. My laptop number one went to computer heaven and i have been feeling like the worst creature on the planet. Yeah, thats probably not the whole truth, but please let me exaggerate in my own blog, its the only place where i can feel sorry for myself without suffering from enormous amounts of guilt. Speaking of guilt, its a feeling that should be thrown in the bin at this very instant. I feel guilty because im not happy all the time. I also feel lonely and miserable, maybe im not strong enough to walk this path? Add to that a chronical belief in never being good enough. Should i throw away my dreams and just live like everyone else? I feel guilty for disturbing people with my worries, they have enough of their own. So i keep quiet, until the explosion comes and all those hidden feelings tumble out in the form of pure hysteria. And do you think i feel better afterwards? No. Just guilty for being such an inconvenience to others. You cannot imagine how tired im of my own behaviour.