This post was inspired by Natalie’s post on women, careers, marriage and children.
I’m 28 years old and I recently broke up with my boyfriend. Actually he broke up with me. (everything is good and we remain great friends, thanks for asking). I’m also the black sheep of the family because a) I don’t have kids, b) I don’t own a house, and c) my job situation is slightly dubious at the moment. Nobody has ever considered proposing to me.
My friends and family are having children, building houses and baking cakes. Sometimes I wonder what kind of failure of a woman I am. Children scare me, I don’t want to live in the countryside, I hate baking and I have a great master plan for my career. I want to travel, live in different countries, develop as a person and have a laugh on the way.
People approach me on a regular basis, asking about this matter. They reassure me that I, too, will find someone. That everything will be ok. Apparently there is still time for me to have children, too. BUT YOU HAVE TO HURRY, YOU’RE ALREADY 28. And what if I don’t want them? Oops. I forgot, for some people it’s completely unacceptable to say those things out loud.
At the moment I don’t mind, but all this reassuring seems to indicate that there is something wrong with my situation. Or better yet, me as a person.
Yeah. I want to get married one day: but it has nothing to do with marriage as an institution. No, I want to get married because I want to share my life with someone who’s into the same things as I am. Someone who also wants to travel and learn and have a laugh on the way. If there is no such person, then be it. I’ll survive. I DON’T want to be socially forced into anything just because “well, that’s what people your age do” or “as a woman you SHOULD do this, that and that, otherwise you’re a complete failure”. I don’t want to regret the things I didn’t do because I ended up doing things I didn’t want to do – like marrying someone because he seemed OK and then have 3 children with him and go for a career that turns out to be completely uninteresting.
So, am I selfish? Maybe. But I also believe that happiness is extremely individual. Only I can make myself happy, and only I can know what makes me happy. I’m an individual (and that means that I’m so much more than just a 28-year old female) and I’m fully capable of making my own decisions. There is no need for others to meddle in my life.