Expectations

Hi, my name is Zsuzsi and I expect myself to be perfect and everyone else to aim for excellence as well.

'Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed’ (Alexander Pope)

Our expectations of other people (and ourselves) stem from our own experiences, upbringing, culture, ideas, and values. Very few of the people around us will share an identical set of values, which means that they cannot fully comprehend our behaviour and wishes.

When we crash into a conflict with another people, we should first take a good look at ourselves in the mirror - what can I do to improve the situation?- instead of pointing the finger at the other person. One can never ever change another individual, but one can change oneself. Sometimes one will realise that the expectations are unrealistic: you are simply asking too much, In that case it is your own responsibility  The importance of communication should never be underestimated: why not clearly explain to others what it is we are expecting from them, ourselves and the situation we find ourselves in? It would spare us a lot of time and trouble at home and at work. At least women tend to think that the whole world should know what they are thinking about without them uttering a word about their thoughts. But, in every relationship with other people we should always keep our eyes, ears and other senses open, step out of ourselves for a while. Think about the other person, observe them, make an effort, be sensitive to hints. Sometimes they don’t expect us to change our entire personalities and sometimes they might even be right: maybe a nice little gesture towards the other person will be enough. Where’s the harm in a little sacrifice? Breaking bad patterns of behaviour might actually be desirable for oneself as well. It doesn’t take much for a boss to say "thank you" for a job well done, or for an employee to express a postive opinion about a project. A husband can buy his wife some flowers and the wife can let him go out with his friends once in a while. A "well done" and a bit of celebration will certainly be appreciated by the person who worked his bum off. Someone who has recently started to work out will feel supported by a "you look so good".   

‘Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.’ (Dennis Wholey)

Maybe people are trying to be “good” (working hard/working out/saving the dolphins) for reasons other than just being good/bringing good results/living a long life: we behave the way we do because we expect to get something in return (few of us are unselfish saints!). Maybe we want to feel good about ourselves, we want to be noticed, get attention, receive compliments. Unfortunately, everyone has different expectations, and other people will rarely know what exactly it is we need to hear. Knowing how to boost someone’s ego (or expectations :)) is a form of art.

‘Treat a man as he is, he will remain so. Treat a man the way he can be and ought to be, and he will become as he can be and should be.’(Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe)

There is just one thing that I cannot seem to figure out (please help me if you can!): when do you know your expectations are unrealistic? How do you "measure" those expectations?

‘A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the "why" for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any "how." (Victor Frankl)