Friday, 17 October 2014

[500 Days/ Day 7] La vida es bella

2nd day of holidays. It's been a while since the last time. It's quite nice to just sit here in my pajamas and philosophize. Actually I should be cleaning since we will be moving to a new flat the weekend after we return from Spain. Oh well.

Last night before falling asleep, while I was lying under my warm blanket, I thought about pain, death, loss. And fear. I did feel something close to fear then. All my life I have been living by the rule that everything is OK because it is up to me. I decide about my own attitudes, about my life. Even during those moments that I hide from the world within my shell, taking the role of an observer, I can snap myself out of it. Everything I feel is just a perception of reality. I can think like that because I'm never ill, I don't know what real pain feels like. What if something truly horrible happened, how would I cope with that?

We - or I - watch the news and see all these horrible things - illnesses, wars, conflicts, repression - going on in the world, yet we - or I - remain unaffected. That could never happen to me. It's an attitude that I despise but it is difficult to get rid of it.

I also watched a TV program last night. Oh yay, I'm being so creative during my holiday. Some Swedes were in New York, cooking. The program itself is of no importance. But there was once sentence, only one sentence, that caught my attention. If you have a dream, you have to go for it. You have to. Sorry, my bad, that's two sentences. We live in a world where everyone is chasing a dream. Or multiple dreams. I like life, and I like exploring the world. Planning is fun, too. But this constant chasing of dreams and goals. Does it make us happy? Does it really? Those two sentences left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

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